Loud and clear

So I posted this last night:

I hate when there’s something stupid that is said or done and I apologize even though it was a joke where both sides were laughing and then it turned into a clusterfuck. Either there’s I’m missing or it’s just a big over reaction. Pisses me off though. And unfortunately it hurts me because there’s no resolution, no communication. Oh well right? Fuck it or I guess it’s Fuck me…their way of pushing me away and saying fuck you, you don’t matter.”

Yes I got my answer, loud and clear. To what question? If you’re a constant reader I had asked myself if I love him. I think that in order for one to be able to hurt you and make you feel heartbroken or rejected than that has to have been love and that would explain why I keep trying and trying when it’s so fucking clear that he’s just not that into me. If he wanted to be with me I wouldn’t have these stupid questions, the sort of seeing would be that we are together but we’re not and the sooner I get that through my fucking brain and shut down that part of my heart than I can move on from this bullshit madness.