I met with my therapist today and we were talking about trauma and exploring my early childhood. I was an only child and growing up I always had a cat and for me, that cat was my babysitter and sister and best friend, not just a pet. Her name was Shadow and she would follow me when I went exploring down by the river or wherever I would go.
Let’s fast forward time and I had cats in Texas in Abilene and New York when I moved there. When I struggled when my parents divorced, when I was sexually assaulted, when someone close to me passed, when I felt lonely or bored they were there. When I went through Hurricane Harvey and was abandoned in Corpus Christi, Dexter and Luna were there.
When I was adjusting to moving home and all that entailed they were there. Dexter was there when Luna passed. I cried myself to sleep for days holding him and he didn’t complain or struggle. He was there for many dark days I had with the monster that ended up murdering him. So yes I had a duh moment today when Alyssa said since I turned to my cats losing them the way I did was even more traumatic. This also goes along with treating them like my children. For a woman who has always wanted a child but had cats they were more than just pets and I was abused and I could’ve also been murdered just as he killed them or worse.