“Trauma always makes grief more complicated. If you have been in this position you will find that you will need to heal the memory of and your feelings about the actual trauma first…and then work through grief later. The trauma is going to demand your attention. It’s a whole different kind of grief. You may need professional help to work through it.”
So many people have wondered why it has been so difficult for me to ‘get past, get over’ this. Let me clearly tell you why it is because it is trauma. When Luna died in my arms, days later I found out about my friend Steven Yang from New York City that was a long time friend had slipped into a coma after dialysis asks the family had to decide what to do. That was at the end of July 2018.
Ffwd to October 2018 my Uncle Louie Norton passed away from his long battle with cancer and then on October 8th one day after his funeral I come home to find Dexter dead under my bed.
Then 20 days later after spiraling with my grief I found out that Mr. Holt murdered him for sure.
Those pieces of everything I was putting together and seeing and hearing what he was doing and yes even during those 20 days while I was living with him and waking up to find him looming in my room in the middle of the night cause I was barely sleeping and barely breathing.
Then I found myself living at Paula’s and turning their lives upside down and around while the court process began and so many things went wrong and I was fighting for justice for myself and my babies.
Moved back in with my cousin Joel and trying to work and trying to cope with what I was left with.
And I was and still am doing therapy and taking medications daily and seeing a psychiatrist and practicing mindfulness. I am reading self help books and have and on numerous sites and I have grief group, Angel Paws. I am trying and I talk to Joe and to others that listen. I have PTSD and I am a survivor and trying.