Victim Impact Statement

I’m open to suggestions on things on what could be added or changed. Below is what I’ve put together.

I’ve known Mr. Holt for several years prior to entering the relationship we had for about a year. I thought he was a good friend and someone that made me laugh. I knew he had always wanted to get together with me but I didn’t think it would end up being like it was. At first everything seemed great and we’d have good times, doing things that I thought we both wanted. He slowly and methodically brainwashed me by constantly reminding me of his financial help and pointing out that this help came from him and not my family or friends. He also told me my friends and family weren’t good enough or supportive and it was him and he wanted to see how they helped and supported me.

He hated me going to therapy which I felt I needed. He said it was because I was in therapy and that therapy was the what drove us apart in the past. In hindsight, I believe that he was afraid of my therapist finding out about the emotional abuse I was experiencing. I quit therapy to avoid arguing with him up until Dexter died. Therapy gave me confidence to be able to go out and interact with people as well as spending time with my friends who I hadn’t been around for almost seven years.

However, he seemed more apt to keep me to himself with 100% attention on him or whatever he did at the time. I believe he isolated me from friends so they wouldn’t see how he was treating me. I started noticing changes in his behavior which I called his Jekyll and Hyde where he became increasingly displeased with many things about me.

At first I stopped telling him I was going to therapy or if I spent time with my friend Paula. I felt I had to sneak around in order to have the time I wanted with her to avoid his jealousy and arguments. I eventually quit therapy because he distressed me. When I moved into the apartment on Bing Street things changed more. We never could sleep in the same bed because I moved around too much or snored or etc. I had to talk quieter, chew quieter, be quieter. All his forms of making me into a mouse. Arguments left me feeling isolated, intimidated and in tears with him threatening to kill himself. He stated several times he was better off dead and became alarmingly cold and distant. Then the sweet side would pop up sometimes minutes later and I’d be his sweet girl and everything was fine. Everything wasn’t fine.

Luna, my 5 year old calico cat who almost always was by my side wouldn’t leave his kitchen for whatever reason. I was attending online college and on July 28th I heard strange noises from the kitchen. When I ran into the kitchen her breathing seemed distressed and I wasn’t sure what was going on. I called Paula in a panic and my Dad. Mr. Holt stood behind me telling me how he wasn’t going to pay for the vet bill and I shouldn’t bring her in. Although I could’ve paid since I was working for NRG Media. Paula came only in enough time to have Luna pass in my arms. I was deeply saddened and distressed and I feel guilty for not having her checked to see what really happened to my sweet girl.

I grieved my Luna and cuddled my Dexter, crying myself to sleep for days. A couple days later an old friend of mine from NYC passed away from renal failure and Mr. Holt was neither supportive nor comforting but I still had 3 yr old Dexter.  

From August into September we started moving into the house on Sycamore, I started working two jobs and time to do things between my Dr. appointments, school and work was becoming difficult to get things settled into the new place. I noticed Dexter becoming more skittish around Mr. Holt as time wore on. In hindsight, I can see that Mr. Holt was abusing Dexter and that’s why he sneezed blood, urinated and defecated when he was going after him. Why the veterinarian and I had to pull carpeting out of his claws and I had to clean or bathe Dexter after he likely rubbed his body into the urine as punishment. I had nursed his infection back and he got better and was still scared when Holt was near him. October 7th, I went to my Uncle Louie’s funeral. On October 8th Dexter was sleeping next to me on my pillow. I made sure he had food, water and that his box was clean so Holt knew the vet suggested Dexter not to be bothered and there was no reason for him to enter. I got home at 6:30pm and went to my room to not be greeted by my sweet boy instead after moving my hope chest I found Dexter dead. I wrapped him in a blanket and sobbed my eyes out until my Dad came to get me. Dexter’s eyes were closed and he was in rigor mortis. Dad took him and felt his body but said he didn’t feel anything. I regret not taking him into Dr. French to be examined post mortem.

I continued living with Mr. Holt who seemed strangely happy and tried to get close to me inappropriately while I was grieving my babies so much I could hardly breathe. My Dr. had to adjust my anxiety and panic attack medicine and I started not sleeping. I would wake up seeing Holt standing in my doorway watching me in the middle of the night. My stomach started giving me issues and when I got it checked out the Dr suggested I was severely stressed and should relax. I went to stay with Paula for the weekend so we went to the house on Oct 26th to get some things and he told me in front of Paula if I didn’t stay he was going to change the locks and get a gun and kill himself. He argued with Paula and then me but then the sweet part came out and he said I should go and relax. I called the sheriff Department oct 28th to inform them of the incident and tell them my suspicion about Luna & Dexter. I wasn’t prepared to find out Mr. Holt confessed to strangling and beating Dexter and hiding him under my bed

I don’t want Mr. Holt near me, I don’t think anyone should trust him near an animal or children and I don’t think he’s safe around people. I am frightened for my life and feel if I had stayed on October 8th or on the weekend of Oct 26th that I would’ve ended up much like Dexter. Dexter and Luna were both sweet loving cats, my babies that were therapeutic to me and now I no longer have them physically in my life.

Mr. Holt is a danger to society because it is well documented that animal abuse is a precursor to more serious criminal behavior. I feel he will push his boundaries with the restraining order in place until he finds a loophole. For instance, February 20, 2019 Mr. Holt went into the liquor store which he never frequented before that he knew was next to my place of employment on the day he knew I was working indicating his lack of respect for the law.

I suffer with panic attacks every single day, multiple times a day. I’m angry, depressed, anxious, stressed and my therapist believes I have PTSD. I’ve become increasingly agoraphobic, not being able to handle being in public alone. Because of this trauma I have been unable to hold down a full time job, I have been diagnosed with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), trying to find housing but difficult with the financial strain resulting from the trauma that Holt inflicted upon me and my babies. This concerns my feelings of physical safety and how this will continue to impact my future.

This hasn’t just impacted me but it has also devastated my entire extended family who will now always be concerned for my safety if he’s allowed to walk free or come near me. And I will unfortunately picture clearly what Mr. Holt stated he did to my baby Dexter which will continue to haunt my mental health.