Past it all

So the fourth (force) is not with us and it’s no longer Cinco De Mayo. It’s May 6th…. nothing with Space or no war with the French Empire. Today is a new day.

For me today or this week could mean a lot of things. I have the phone conference for the Motion to Suppress my statement which is part of this blog apparently and of course there’s the suppression of his statement of strangling and beating Dexter 10 to 20 times in the head until he was unconscious, dropping him on the floor, pacing around and then eventually putting him under my bed for me to find after I got done with work. That date was October 8th. I brought Dexter to the vet September 17th after (hindsight is 20/20) Holt smeared him in his own urine, hit him in the face to make his eyes puffy and leaking and dragging him across the carpeting to get the carpet fibers Alison and I carefully pulled from Dexter’s claws which were split with the fibers embedded into them. Then of course tossing him in the closet cause ‘my shitball cat’ the text evidence the judge has from that 17th clawed his hand and pissed on the floor likely when you were running after him cause he didn’t want to be near your fucking abusive ass. HE SLUNK away from you, ran and slunk every time you tried to get near him you fucking liar. He didn’t attack you. Did you pick him up by the scruff, yes he’d claw then or did you try or did you hit him and panicked cause you knew you couldn’t kill him cause I was going to be returning at anytime after my allergy shot? Cause I was right outside with Paula and then closer to the time I went inside when I seen you moving around. After you left we took Dexter to the vet. She then gave him the meds for the infection and told me he was severely stressed and I had him in my room and you knew that I was taking good care of him but you couldn’t leave him alone. You knew I was diligent about his food, water and litter box and making sure my fucking baby was going to be alright. And you hated him for it. You hated me for it too. Which is why you knew you had that opportunity when they called me into work that Monday, October 8th to get rid of him once and for all. Then you dropped off my laptop around noon before going to your job. Believe me I remember your routines. I got to know exactly what you’re like and what you are fucking capable of. I know you hated Dexter. You hated anything that made me happy. You didn’t want me to love anything but you. YOU DESTROYED what was by killing Luna and Dexter. I’m happier now without your control, without your mental fucking, without your mind games, without you. I don’t need you. I never needed you. And I hate you. In case you were wondering and since you have either been reading this or having someone else read it for you.

Dexter my beautiful sweet baby.

I am a survivor of your domestic violence towards me. I survived you. I didn’t get killed by you. I got lucky. I got so fucking lucky but I don’t feel lucky cause my babies had to get killed. And that kills me but I will memorialize them. Justice might not be had during this but believe me, no one will forget what happened. I am going to work on the laws to make sure Dexter’s and Luna’s are protected from the likes of you. People like you won’t be able to have an animal. Perhaps that animal abuser registry too. Instead of being a sex offender someone like you would have to register as an animal abuser. It’s only fair since most people that murder animals often become serial killers. So you’ve got a lovely track record to start with. I know what you did to Krystal and your son and you told the cops you strangled Dexter so you like strangling. You like beating. Well it’s over. You cannot touch me anymore.

My beautiful baby girl Luna. (Gandalf in back)

I don’t like that I have PTSD and that I get to go to animal bereavement groups, therapists to help with the trauma and anxiety that was caused by you. I don’t like not being able to sleep, to have panic attacks and feel afraid. Less afraid since I moved but still afraid. I hate you for that too. FUCKING HATE YOU.

What is nice about having a blog is it’s a public place where I can use and state freedom of speech. State what I am feeling and what is on record. So I get why your public defender is trying to keep my writing under wraps. It’s not that easy though. THINK long and hard about that. The truth is out there everywhere.

And no I’m not past this and neither are you and you aren’t going to erase it from history, newspapers, public files, radio, etc and so on. It’s out there and I am too. Just no where near you where I’m happy to be far far FAAR the FUCK away from your abusiveness.