Why I Write

I’ve been writing my blog for several years off and on and the last few years I’ve been focusing on my personal growth in dealing with trauma, grief, domestic violence, and sexual assault. I’m unapologetic about having complex PTSD and the therapy, DBT, and many books I’ve read, reviewed, and how I’ve been on my own journey. It’s not going to happen overnight and it doesn’t happen on anyone else’s schedule and it’s not just gonna go away.

I am doing the right things by taking the prescribed medications for PTSD daily along with GERD medicine and get allergy shots and happy to report that I’m almost up to the maintenance dose. I have been more than proactive in going to a therapist (weekly) and seeing a psychiatrist and I also have Angel Paws animal grief support group. I also belong to several Facebook groups and have several applications on my phone and I even started a daily affirmation/quote.

I am doing the best that I can but no one can do it alone. I’ve lived in New York, Texas, Wisconsin (home state) and now Ohio so I have friends I’ve picked up along the way. The way I work is I like taking turns in relationships (all of them) family, friends, etc. You text me, I text you. I call you, you call me. I come to visit you, you can see where this is going right? It’s a two-way street. Not one person can carry any relationship. Food for thought.

What I want to do and one of the many reasons I write is to get the nagging thoughts out of my head and the other is if someone does read it that somehow I’m helping them. Cause I want to help trauma survivors, domestic abuse survivors, sexual assault survivors, and people with PTSD. I know what it’s like. I know the struggle. I know how hard it is to retrain your brain into accepting that not all Randy’s are that Randy. I still get triggered by dark-colored Jeep’s. red vans and sycamore. It’s not something I can say that works every time and the same technique isn’t always effective. Sometimes you have to delve into the trauma to be able to rid yourself of the things that cause triggers. And if you think you’re invulnerable you’re not. Trauma bonding is real and I was trauma bonded to Randy and I still have some effects from the trauma bond that haunt me but I have to peel apart the layers to try to be able to get on top of the trigger.

Healing from trauma does take time and yes it’s my responsibility and I’ve taken upon that responsibility with being persistent with the books I read, therapy, support groups and writing and talking and doing whatever it takes. I am doing it. But I need support. I am scared and logical brain tells me one thing and trauma brain tells me another and the cycle spins round and round.

I would like to take my blog and convert it into some sort of book to help other survivors of trauma, trauma bonds, domestic violence, sexual assault, ptsd. I am starting to look at avenues but if anyone has suggestions on how to gain more exposure or point me in the general direction I need to in order to be seen and heard more. Cause I do want to be heard and I want my story to be told because I don’t want anybody to go through what I went through. Know this he would’ve killed me. I know this because I wish it would’ve left marks when he’d put his hands around my throat to get me to listen and brainwash me.

I wanted to say in addition to everything I’ve already said that my friend Jodi is the one that inspired me to wanting to help others with mental illness. There are so many people and celebrities with mental illnesses. Because she tirelessly got her doctorate degree and wanting to help people makes me want to use my knowledge and help others.

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