It’s May 1st and it’s raining in Cincinnati. That is something that I’ve discovered about my new city is it likes to rain quite often and it’s also quite windy.
Last week I had an appointment with one of the ladies from Women Helping Women which is in downtown Cincinnati and while I love the views of the city and it’s downtown the parking sucks. It was raining the day that I went to see Katie and it took almost an hour to find a decent parking place. I was determined to make the appointment and did and Katie gave me some additional resources which I’ve since looked into. One avenue is for counseling which I know I need. Unfortunately I’ve been stressing and I’ve been having issues sleeping. I dislike the nightmares that are recurrent. Also I’ve noticed my moods have been fluctuating and I know it’s because of the motion hearing and pending trial this month.
And I’m willing to bet that Mr. Holt isn’t losing a wink of sleep because he doesn’t care about anyone or anything but himself and not even himself. He’s a narcissistic psychopath and so he knows how to be charming and what he thinks people want him to be like. I know he never loved me cause if he had he would NEVER have killed Luna and he would NEVER have strangled and beat Dexter to death. He never did. I know I won’t be happy with whatever happens during this whole court proceedings.
This trial is upsetting me a lot, this whole thing has upset me to no end. I don’t want to give up on what I want to do for justice but I highly doubt I’ll find any kind of justice with the courts but at least I will make sure that Dexter & Luna are never forgotten. I love them, they were my babies and they deserved better. They deserved life and love and I did give that to them and Mr. Holt took that away. There needs to be more awareness to domestic violence because it isn’t the beaten girl. Sometimes it’s the pets that are beaten. They’re beaten and they’re rubbed in their own urine because they were so scared of him and he thought he was punishing them so he rubbed them in it. They slunk away from him and they clung to me. No animal should take the abuse, no person should be controlled and be told what I was told or treated as I was.
I am no longer treated that way and I’m happy that I’m with the love of my life. I thank God for him every day and that I lived. I still haven’t forgiven myself but that will have to come in time. And help with my trauma.