And yet I feel like I’m being pushed try to figure out things that usually take longer than I feel I have in my deadline. Trying to figure out what I’m going to do and where to go. I know I can’t afford to live on my own nor do I want to sign a lease for a year. I need and will be working with my Dr and therapist to show what horrible damage I endured. How much Mr. Holt abused me emotionally and mentally and how much this controlled my life and F U C K E D me up. Can any seriously one understand that? And then he murdered my cats and fucked me up more. So I’m stressed to the fucking max and I’m trying to hurry up and wait for the extra shoe to drop for me.
I feel I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. That most are at a loss to know what to do, what to say or how to deal with me. My dad and step mom took me out for pizza before work Saturday which was nice and Sunday Sue and I and Paula went for coffee. It had been the first time in awhile I had seen Paula. It has been difficult trying to deal with this. But I am trying the best I can. I need a safety net. I have Joe that I am afraid that I’m going to mess things up with because this is too much for anyone. And I’m so broken. So very damaged.