Monday Anger

Wisconsin decided to be stupid with the weather so Paula cancelled her treatment and when I explained I had Tuesday off and said the only thing I had was the domestic violence group apparently she chose to get in touch with someone else. I do not leave unless I have to work these days. My existence has been doctor appointments, work and therapy. Part of my issue is I don’t have a car, I can’t readily just go get what I need but I think I’d almost be worse off in that I would see no one then really. I live with my cousin but I don’t spend time with him and most of the time feel he’s just counting the days until I get the fuck out. I get it. I don’t want to be around me these days. I’m pissed at the world for not wanting to be around me and have no where to express my anger except here or in therapy. I’m depressed cause I’m lonely and cause I have anxiety attacks every damn day. I’m becoming agoraphobic more and more without GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE. I don’t go out to do anything other than work. Everything is monotonous. I feel increasingly isolated and ill tempered cause I don’t get to laugh or have a good time or get to spend time going somewhere other than here or work. I ned to shut the fuck up before my Dad decides to cut me out completely too.

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