Arctic Tuesday

It would seem that every year Wisconsin gets hit with bitter cold temperatures with windchill’s that make us all wonder why in the hell do I live here? I know I’m one of those people for sure. Right now in Northern Wisconsin it’s -5 with windchill’s of -34. It’s supposed to be like this tomorrow and Thursday. It’s these days that make you want to stay inside and watch movies and cuddle under a blanket.

Tomorrow I’ll be working but suspect I won’t see that many people but Wisconsinites are hearty individuals. I have therapy Thursday and I feel since I haven’t been going anywhere except work and appointments I need to talk more and she’s paid to listen so at least I have that. I’ll continue to write. This helps all my clutter in my brain. I need to get it out and got me it was easier talking to friends and our at least getting some distraction so it’s time for me to get more inventive. Comfortable with being by myself and entertaining myself and not overwhelming or making people uncomfortable with the crap I was left to deal with.

I’m back at home from staying at my Dad’s for post recovery from the upper gi/colonoscopy. I should hear back from the doctor for results of the biopsies sometime this week. I was scared and needed support and it was difficult. Very likely I overreacted to what I was going through but maybe it’s also because I don’t know how to handle things well these days. I was given something near impossible to handle on my own for the most part and I have felt abandoned or just left to my vices to handle that situation which no one really wants to deal with. It may be irrational but when you work and you’re at home and the only people you really see are your therapist, nurses, people you work with and your Father you begin to feel alone. I’ve said it numerous times too that I need the people who say they give a fuck to reach out and get me out of the fucking house, or come here, have coffee, have lunch, play a fucking game, any stupid thing, have me watch or help them clean their fucking house.

Assassin’s Creed

In the meantime what I’m going to do aside from be frustrated is either color, draw, read or binge watch something on tv or fucking kill some bad guys and pretend it’s someone I really wish I could do that to but won’t. Just saying.