Why is it?

Why is it that after being gone from my hometown and returning when I try to look for a sexual assault or domestic violence group that they seem to be non-existent? I guess I sort of had my sexual assault happen at the right time back in 98 and f fwd 10 years and be a victim of domestic abuse and support groups have all but disappeared. I know that I’m not the only person in this town that’s been a victim of it. I guess your support groups have gone by the wayside along with people that have any tolerance for helping others. Maybe I was raised to help your friends and listen to your elders and try to do right thing. I did find a domestic violence group however they meet once a month and so does the grief support group and yes I do plan on going to both of those monthly meetings. And if you think I can handle only dealing with this once a month you have another thing coming.

Why are people so closed in or closed off? I get people in life get busy with their lives but if they were going through the same things that I’ve been through you bet your sweet ass I’d be there and make sure that they were OK and helping them as much as I could. I’m not saying people don’t need a break. They do and we do too. We need a break from the process, the heartache, the mess. I am doing the best that I can with what life I’ve been left with. Most of the time I don’t bug people with whatever the fuck it is that I’m anguishing over at the time. So forgive me for not getting over all this crap in your time-frame.

If I sound pissed I am. I’m angry a lot these days. Mr. Holt plead not guilty, I have daily FUCKING panic attacks which I hate. What does asshole have? A worry? I doubt it. I feel like I’ve been fighting my way through this. I’m fighting to be listened to, fighting to make sure that the Sheriff’s Department and the District Attorney have the right information. That the public has my story and it’s right not what the Sheriff dreamed up that I said that he mixed up with someone else’s story or what Mr. Holt said. The Sheriff’s Department did not and has not had me come down to make a statement. I hand delivered my timeline to them, to my injunction hearing to make sure that Judge O’melia would have the correct timeline and information. I’m sorry I want the facts right.

I don’t know how the fuck any of this shit works. This is new to me too. The National Center on Domestic Violence suggested that the people that have to deal with me regularly if they’re having a hard time on what to say or what to do that they’re more than happy to talk to them to provide them guidance. They also said it only has been a couple of months and it’s going to take some TIME. So please before you think that I should be normal and fine try not fixing me, just listen, ask me questions, make me laugh, take me to a movie, get me out of the fucking house. Half the time I feel agoraphobic because I don’t want or am scared to be out in public alone because I am scared of him. I have every reason to be. Yes there’s a restraining order but he VICIOUSLY murdered Dexter. So forgive me if I’m a little nervous.