What keeps me up……!!!!

Thing is I haven’t been sleeping well and I am currently out of my anxiety meds because I have been so busy and preoccupied this week given what Friday is. This week is the preliminary hearing and is possible they’ll skip the preliminary hearing and enter plea agreement. The plea agreement is something debated on between the district attorney and the public defender. I don’t know what that all exactly entails but I can only hope that I had some influence with Michael Schiek when Paula and I met with him. We talked to him about the petition, about what was wrong with the Sheriff’s report and yes we meet with Captain Tyler Young this week. While he was compassionate and patient he did talk about the possibilities of what could happen.

And I am aware, I have been aware before probably everyone else thought I would. Before the first person told me that he’s likely to get off with a slap on the wrist. I know. I just wanted more for myself, more for Dexter and more for Luna. I wanted to feel safe for awhile. I wanted him to go to jail even for 6 months. So I would not feel paranoid. So I wouldn’t have to see him in public. So I wouldn’t be looking over my shoulder. But everyone thinks I’m just not letting it go. In some way no. I’m fucking scared. No matter how many people tell me there’s a restraining order, it’s a piece of paper. No matter who or how many people say he wouldn’t come after me, or he won’t. These people don’t know him, don’t know how much he controlled me, how long he frightened me. So think before you give me shit about what I have or haven’t been doing.